Clarity is Integrity
Excerpt from Cleopatra
They Bless Her When She’s Frisky: From Act Two
Enter all minor court figures, CHARMIAN, IRAS, ALEXAS and a particularly small or young court lady, Arsinoe. Talking and laughter.
CHARMIAN |
Where’s Arsinoe? (Arsinoe is pushed forward, with her thumb in her mouth, a nervous gesture. When her thumb is not in her mouth, she’s scratching her backside, another nervous gesture.) |
IRAS |
Thumb OUT! (Arsinoe takes it out) You’re a court lady. Mouth SHUT, please. Stand UP. What’s your name? |
ARSINOE |
er…uh..uh (replaces thumb in mouth. Charmian takes this hand and smacks it. Arsimoe immediately scratches her backside, Iras smacks that hand.) |
IRAS |
Speak UP |
ARSINOE |
er Arsinoe. |
CHARMIAN |
erArsinoe? |
ARSINOE |
Arsinoe! |
IRAS |
Arsinoe. Oh dear. That’s the name of Cleopatra’s sister. |
CHARMIAN |
Whom she hates. |
IRAS |
Who’s now dead. |
ARSINOE |
(whimpers, replaces thumb in mouth, her hand is snatched away and smacked by Iras, scratches backside, her hand is smacked by Charmian). |
CHARMIAN |
You don’t have to talk, just stand there. |
IRAS |
Looking pretty, but not too beautiful. |
CHARMIAN |
Attentive, but not taking in anything too personal. |
IRAS |
Instantly available, but not intrusive. Not intrusive. |
CHARMIAN |
Observe Iras. She’s good at this. |
IRAS |
That’s right. |
CHARMIAN |
Alert, but not too intelligent. Not too intelligent. |
IRAS |
Observe Charmian. She’s very good at that. |
CHARMIAN |
Exactly. (pause) Hey! (They square up to each other and then are distracted by entrance of Alexas and move to him, abandoning Arsinoe who puts her thumb back in her mouth.) |
IRAS |
Alexas! Alexas! The news, the news! |
ALEXAS |
Charmian’s pregnant. |
IRAS |
No! |
CHARMIAN |
Am I? |
IRAS |
Are you? |
CHARMIAN |
No! |
ALEXAS |
Yes, you are. I can tell by the shape of your nose. It’s a little swollen. You shouldn’t make love under a full moon. Isis at her most fertile. |
CHARMIAN |
I eat garlic before love-making. It always works. No babies. |
IRAS |
No boyfriends, I should think. |
CHARMIAN |
Fortunately, my Scarus doesn’t have a sense of smell. |
IRAS |
What’s the real news? (Iras and other court ladies poke and pull at Alexas) |
CHARMIAN |
(screams loudly) By Isis! |
IRAS |
What’s the matter with you? |
CHARMIAN |
I gave my garlic to the royal cook. |
IRAS |
Let’s see your nose. (abandons Alexas to examine Charmian. A crowd of court ladies surround her. Enter Cleopatra. A wave of prostrations, except for Arsinoe who stays standing frozen, thumb in mouth, like an animal caught in headlamps). |
CLEOPATRA |
Who are you? |
ARSINOE |
Er ..uh..er. |
CLEOPATRA |
Down! Where’s Iras? Charmian? (They report) Where’s Alexas? (They point) Come here! (He does on his knees). |
CLEOPATRA |
The news! You’re late! Why? Where’s my lord? Have you seen him already? You’re very late. |
ALEXAS |
Your highness….! |
CLEOPATRA |
Speak up! Don’t stare at me like a boiled fish. |
ALEXAS |
Your highness..! I ..er..! |
CLEOPATRA |
Frightened? What of? Just tell me the news…. or I’ll have you castrated. |
CLEOPATRA |
Is that so? I see. (Looks at Alexas. Pause. Laughs happily, complete mood change) Well, I’ll find something to cut off. (Laughs again, Charmian and Irias laugh as well. Approaches Alexas, pulls up his head, looks into his face). The news from Rome. |
ALEXAS |
Fulvia fought with Lucius. |
CLEOPATRA |
Who’s Lucius? |
IRAS |
My lord’s brother. |
CLEOPATRA |
What then? |
ALEXAS |
They made up and both fought with Octavius. He beat them. |
CLEOPATRA |
What then? |
ALEXAS |
Sextus Pompey has raised a revolt against Octavius. |
CLEOPATRA |
Sextus Pompey? |
IRAS |
The last republican. |
CLEOPATRA |
These Romans. They talk about civilization but they can’t stop fighting each other. What does it all mean? |
IRAS |
If they fight each other, they can’t fight us. |
CHARMIAN |
They should make love, not war. |
CLEOPATRA |
Why are you talking of love? Let me see your nose. (Examines it, pushes her away, turns) What then, Alexas? (turns back to Charmian) Be careful, my dear, it’s the full moon. |
ALEXAS |
Fulvia is dead. |
CLEOPATRA |
Fulvia’s dead! How did she die? |
ALEXAS |
She fell off her horse in a fit of temper and broke her neck. |
CLEOPATRA |
Why? |
ALEXAS |
Because Octavius refused to marry her daughter Clodia. |
CLEOPATRA |
Why? |
ALEXAS |
Octavius wanted to marry Scribonia. |
CLEOPATRA |
Why? |
ALEXAS |
To be friends with Sextus Pompeius. |
CLEOPATRA |
How did Antony take the news of Fulvia’s death? |
ALEXAS |
He was sad. (Iras indicates a no, followed by a happy dance) |
CLEOPATRA |
Sad! |
ALEXAS |
I mean he looked serious for a moment, just for a moment. |
CLEOPATRA |
Serious! Did he smile? |
ALEXAS |
(Iras indicates a broad smile) He sort of – smirked. |
CLEOPATRA |
Sad! That he means he loved her. |
ALEXAS |
He smiled. (Iras shakes head. Charmian nods.) |
CLEOPATRA |
(Aggressively) That means he’s has no decent feelings. Is that what you mean? |
ALEXAS |
Yes, I mean, no. |
CLEOPATRA |
What? Was he sad or did he smile? (Iras indicates sadness, Charmian indicates happiness. They quarrel behind Cleopatra’s back. Alexas is nonplussed. Cleopatra, enraged, advances on him. Her girls stop fighting and try restrain her which she resists. Enter Antony with Enobarbus and Scarus etc.) |